Adventures: I made it to the supermarket, can I stop driving now please?

I have my new van. I love it. But it's proper terrifying to drive!! It's bigger than the last one and you can't see out the back at all! It beeps when you reverse, like a delivery van. It is 14 years old, half the age of my last two vans but it has some old van eccentricities. It rolls back on hills!!! All you drivers who drive a manual are going "so?" But it's an auto and they don't! You just sit there till you go. It's so unusual there is a warning sticker about it on the sun visor. It looks like a funny airplane safety card drawing, and when you slam the hand break on your two ton van in shock to prevent rendering two-dimensional any car that may, or may not be behind (who knows), you mentally go "0h! That's what that is supposed to mean!"

I drove it to the supermarket on Saturday morning then panicked! The car park was filling up by the minute, and I had left my 10 year old babysitting my 2 year old, what if they box me in and I NEVER get back to them? How can I possibly drive around the cost of Portugal if I panic in a supermarket car park? I only got half my list and left in disorder.

The van also leaks. I'm sure I can fix it but in the meantime it drips when it rains, exactly into a little cup holder on the dashboard! So you drive around with a tiny dash board pond! I'm thinking of adopting a tadpole. And it's developing a lake inside the left hand headlight unit, perhaps a little carp and some water lilies too. My brother says; drill a small hole and it will pee in the street!

It's also a huge project on a tiny budget. If we had lots of money for this (My husband is paying debs so we have lots of money for debt repayment, and not too much for anything else.) I still would not want to spend a lot converting a van worth about £3,500. So it's got to be done for a few £100 which means, I do it myself. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by the amount of work for me. Easy if I was not also full time mum, homeschool teacher, and freelance textile designer. I always have my kids in tow, and I'm always behind on design. More of a textile non-designer to be honest at the moment. 

I'm so loving seeing my friends and family. It's so so good to be back where I get help, listened to, understood, hugs. We have had to be a unit of four and count on each other, good for us in some ways but exhausting. Everyone is seeing as much of our family as we can. I am a full time social secretary to my daughter! Although I don't want to drive her anywhere. Also the van still only has two seats. Right now only me and one other person can travel in it. Give me till September and I'll be ok, but for now I've lost my nerve. I just want to get someone else to drive for me. It probably doesn't help that the last time I drove anywhere was breaking down in a multi lane roundabout in France!

On the other hand I have not lost my nerve about worldschool. Why did I do worldschool? For my kids, but it's paying off and paying off for me. I have only made one trip so far but I've got the idea I can. I no longer own tons of stuff I don't use, I don't have a wardrobe full of clothes I never wear, I don't have a wardrobe! Or an iron, or scales, I don't know how heavy I am, I don't care, I own luggage scales instead! Much more exciting priorities!

I used to look at the worldschool community and think "Oh! My! I hope I could get organised enough, and brave to do that one day! Wow! Those people are in Bali learning local crafts, gosh! They are in India with elephants!" Now I find I look at it more like a menu! "We will have a double helping of Bali please with a plate of India on the side!" I would go lots of places with my kids. Why not? Lots of people do.