Tuesday 24 October 2017

What are you doing still here? Europe in a campervan.

I'm taking my family to France, Spain and Portugal this winter in a classic Chevy van. For adventure, to break out of suburban middle class thinking, to learn languages, to experience culture, and to escape the rain - mostly the last bit!

I'm still here, however, getting rained on! We are becoming professional at waiting for garages to do work! All British people are already professional at getting rained on! We finally got a service and an oil change but the breaks need work, I'm thinking we might need them! We might leave on the the 1st or we might not!

I keep meeting friends who greet me with “What are you still doing here?” “I thought you had gone?” And even “I can't wait for you to go!” Then they realise what they have said and frantically try to dig themselves back out, “Oh! I do like you of course…” it's ok, I understand.

The people who bought our previous camper and then said it's not their van, when it broke down, have reached an all time high on their reaction, they actually lied to the DVLA and forged my signature on a government document!! Fortunately the DVLA were on the ball and sent me a form asking if I really did want to transfer ownership back to me! They (the DVLA) won't discuss if they are taking action but they will keep all evidence. The police gave me a leaflet to report fraud. Tim also got a nasty letter from the buyers, and some calls to go on a lurid TV program and fight about it in public! We said no!!! If they do anything else I'm going to open a fraud investigation and perhaps even press charges! I'm not a vindictive person, but the threats have been horrible, so It's quite comforting to know I now have them by the private parts if they give us more abuse! I wonder if they will Google me and read my blog!!? It sort of cramps my writing style so I try to assume they won't.

I've discovered that the little Chevy cars you see everywhere are called a Chevrolet Spark!! Can you believe my daughter called our big Chevy Van “Sparkle” without knowing that? It all makes sense to me now. I've been showing her the A team van and theme on u tube, hopefully she won't now think I can jump six police cars at a time in our van!

We have got rid of all our stuff except a plastic set of drawers each. Each of my kids has two drawers of clothes and two of toys. Three pairs of shoes each…

Today I put everything in the van and it does fit, just!!! It's going to be like living in one of my daughter's dolls houses (now given to friends) without being doll sized! However if we can cope with so little space, we gain all the space, if we can cope with owning so little, we can “own” Europe...  We have been getting rid of stuff for weeks then sudden shopping spree; all week I've been getting boxes, they contain things like the extra car battery (now fitted and ready to run all our devices without flattening the main battery), a cool box, a roof bag and a potty. For the first time in my life I have a pot to piss in!

We are really, really, really, nearly ready. If you see me you can say “I know why you are still here!” I think it sounds sinister, perfect for Halloween!!!

The pictures are us “test camping” at a Brit stop; a campervan only free stopover that you can sign up for and get a book of. It's about £35 for the book, which is your membership, then you can park safely and free all over the country in pub car parks, vineyards, Mannie houses… it's a brilliant idea. You can't bring caravans, or tents and you can't set up furniture or awnings, just sleep and perhaps have wifi, fresh water or some facilities.

On our test camping we learned; don't set off when it's already dark and be looking for turn offs to some tiny country manor house in pitch black except for the angry local driver up your bum because he knows all the bends and wants to go fast!! But on the upside the view was a complete morning surprise!

Also a picture of our “Pot to piss in!” and trying to fit everything in! Heaven help me on that!









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My posts are all to amuse and are fiction, sometimes inspired by my life.

 My posts are all to amuse and are fiction, sometimes inspired by my life. I often exaggerate to make things fun. All my advice is just my o...