Living in Spain - The "What am I doing still here?" Feeling and two drawings.

I'm sitting in "La Siesta" it means the nap. It's a beach cafe. The view is out across the sea to the headland. The floor is literally sand, although the beach here is shingle (they have brought it in to be more beach venue). The kids are at the flat with Tim, Dylan is having a real siesta. I'm drawing the view and the jumbled white carved couches and floaty curtains that decorate the place. The sea is quiet, it's only about eight meters from me, but every now and then it "cheeks" me by sending a sudden loud wave! Sparrows abound, clearing up the crumbs the French family in the next nest of couches have overlooked.

For the first time in a while, I'm not beset by the question "How did I end up back here?" And "I'm forty and I've done what?" It's actually a pretty unfair question because the town I grew up in is a privileged place to live, I just felt too much like I was stuck. The second question is also unfair, I've traveled widely, I've started and sold businesses, I've got my design degree and a brilliant world class studio to sell my work. I've got two perfect kids. I've got a brilliant husband who always steps in and quietly fixes the mess when my plans go wrong. Yes, it's Tim who dealt with the angry buyers of the last camper, and Tim who untangled the breakdown mess - mostly in French! Still I was loading the dishwasher back home and thinking... "What am I doing here? Back where I grew up? Among the middle class, suburban retired people? (And my collection of awesome friends - mostly not local!) One of said awesome friends keeps referring to this as our "first" trip, I think she might be right. I've been around Europe a bit (France, Germany, Holland, Italy, Poland, Austria, Hungry...) with a backpack and visited; America, Australia, Malaysia, New Zealand, Egypt... but it's different to move off and say "Now I'm out and it's the start of my travel." See what I mean? I mean this as a change, not a ten day mini adventure. And that idea has dispelled the "What am I doing here?" Feeling. :)

Now I better go pay for my lunch, that I ordered by pointing at the menu and saying "Please" in Spanish, it was yummy (mostly onion and oil I think!) if you get something horrid by this method you should always try to eat it anyway, as it's your deserved punishment for not learning local language and customs fast enough - unless it's cheese, especially mouldy cheese, if it's cheese you are excused! Well not if its this sort of yummy goats cheese they have given me... I might be making the rules up as I go! :)

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